One-night stands are probably one of the best things about being young and single. Groovy music, glittery lights, free-flowing alcohol and the intoxicating touch of another body. While you can throw caution to the wind and seize the day when going for it, there are certain rules that one must follow to make the most out of their night. If you're up all night to get lucky, you might as well make it worthwhile.
1. Be Clear About Your Intentions
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Whether you met your date on a dating app or through a common friend, it's a given that you put your cards on the table. Be honest about your intentions and what you want from the date and the one-night stand (if you eventually get lucky). If you are looking for a no-strings-attached one-night stand, be clear about it. Tell her when there's time, not when you are already midway through foreplay.
2. Make Sure You Have Condoms
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A gentleman always carries condoms in his pocket. If you are looking forward to a fun night, carry condoms with you. There's no bigger bummer than not having condoms when you are about to get down and dirty. If you don't have them, don't go ahead and risk (literally) screwing your life. From sexually transmitted infections to unwanted pregnancies, you don't want one careless mistake to ruin your peace of mind (and possibly your life) later.
Also, ask your date when they got tested for STIs last, and come clean if you didn't. While it may sound like a bummer discussing the medical details of your sexual health, it's a highly underrated protocol of hooking up. It's as basic as carrying a condom in your wallet. Better be safe than sorry.
3. Wash Up
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Groom yourself a bit in preparation for the lucky night. Even if you are not sure how things will turn out, being prepared never hurts. Trim yourself down to a comfortable length down there. No need to wax or shave off everything of course – you don't want to look too prepared.
Before diving into action, excuse yourself and wash up down there. Ideally, it's best to take a bath before you go on that date but when you are sweating it out on the dance floor, your sweaty balls will not do much to get you some sweet loving later in the night. If possible, wash yourself with a nice-smelling gel. What flavoured condoms can't do for you, your scented shower gel will.
Before diving into action, excuse yourself and wash up down there. Ideally, it's best to take a bath before you go on that date but when you are sweating it out on the dance floor, your sweaty balls will not do much to get you some sweet loving later in the night. If possible, wash yourself with a nice-smelling gel. What flavoured condoms can't do for you, your scented shower gel will.
4. Don't Drink Too Much
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You don't want to pass out before the fun even starts. Don't drink so much that you have to throw up in the street (or even worse, your date's shoes), and have your friends escort you to your home. While alcohol makes you more confident and relaxed, too much of it can affect your performance and you may not be able to enjoy.
5. No Gassy Foods Please
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Avoid foods that make you bloated. Skip the garlic bread and the onion; you don't want to turn her off with your bad breath the very first time you kiss her. It's a good idea to avoid gulping pints of beer; you don't want to burp in her mouth, or worse fart during sex. Keep the dinner light and non-greasy. Save the sandwich for breakfast.
6. Don't Pry Too Much Into Personal Details
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It's all right to not know everything about your date. You don't have to get into the details of their family tree. There are plenty of things to talk about on a date – it's okay to avoid asking personal details like where they work, their pan card number or their surname. Don't send them a friend request on Facebook, Snapchat or Instagram.
7. Consent Is Important
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Yes, it's a one-night stand you both signed for. Yes, your alcohol is in place. Your bedroom lighting is in place and the foreplay is great. But if at any point of time, one of the partners gets uncomfortable and is unwilling to go ahead with the sex, you have to respect their decision. Just because they have come with you to your house, doesn't mean they can't refuse at any point of time. Sex has to be mutual till the very end.
8. Don't Linger Around Afterwards
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Ideally, you leave right after the sex. But since that's not always practically possible, especially in a country like India where you risk a lot more than just a walk of shame, it's okay to stay the night and leave in the morning. There's a simple rule – you get up early, get dressed and walk out the door. Don't linger around for breakfast, or stroll around their house commenting on the family pictures on their walls. If it's your house, you offer them something to drink and help them call a cab, since it's an unfamiliar address for them.
9. Morning Sex Is Not Complimentary With A One-Night Stand
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Waking up next to someone you barely know can be awkward. Your alcohol has worn off, so has your orgasm, and the bright morning light doesn't really help in making things seem rosier. Add to it morning breath after litres of alcohol in your system, and you are set for a disastrous morning. Save yourself by getting up early, sneaking to the bathroom and rinsing your mouth.
While it's true that early morning sex is the best kind of sex, not everyone is up for it. It can get a little tricky in a one-night stand, which ideally ends with the night. Check if your date is up for it – it's not necessary that they'll be as excited about it as they were the night before, now that everyone's sober.
10. Don't Get Clingy After The One-Night Stand
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Getting clingy after a one-night stand is like drunk dialling your ex in the middle of the night after a bad break-up. If you agreed this was going to be a one-time romp in the hay, you can't call them in the middle of the night saying you miss them. It's naïve to assume that a one-night stand has earned you another with the person.
Carpe diem!
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